Showing up drunk to court? Another brilliant Livingston County criminal

Christopher Norton

Yes, we have a little of everything here in Livingston County – double roundabouts at our intersections, ugly naked guy statues in our downtown parks, amazingly dumb criminals. You name it, we've got it.

My all-time favorite dumb criminal – the one who still stands as the gold standard in these parts – was the guy who came to the Livingston County Jail a few years back to visit a friend of his in the slammer. When he got to the jail, he was told that he'd have to wait a while to be able to see his friend.

Now, if this had been you, and you had some time to kill at the Livingston County Jail, what would you have done? If you answered, "Head out to my car and smoke a joint in the parking lot," well, then you're matching wits with the best. Because that's exactly what he did.

He went to his car, rolled himself a doobie, and sparked it up. Right there in the parking lot of the Livingston County Jail.

That was all well and good, except he must not have realized that the Livingston County Jail shares a parking lot with the Livingston County Sheriff's Department, which means that at any given time, there are probably a lot of cops walking through the parking lot.

Now, I don't profess to be an expert on where and when to smoke a joint, but I'm thinking that your first choice shouldn't be in the parking lot of the largest police agency in Livingston County.

Still, that's what the Doobie Brother decided to do. He had some time to kill, he had some weed, so why not?

Well, just a few minutes later, a deputy walked by on his way in to work. He probably couldn't believe his luck – he had just discovered a guy who actually drove right to the Sheriff's Department to commit his crime. If only ALL criminals were this considerate!

In any case, Livingston County now has a new entrant in the Dumbest Criminal of All Time derby. His name is Christopher Norton, and back on Oct. 15, he found himself in front of Livingston County Circuit Judge Michael Hatty.

Norton was in court that day to be sentenced for a pretty sickening case of child abuse. According to published reports, Norton was accused of biting a 3-year-old girl – the daughter of his girlfriend, Jamie Barnes of Cohoctah Township.

Police say that Norton and Barnes were trying to teach the girl not to bite. So, displaying some brilliant parenting skills, they bit her. Both of them were charged with third-degree child abuse, and told to show up in October for sentencing.

Ah, but Norton, it seems, was not content with making just one Brilliant Decision in this case. He decided to make another one on Oct. 15.

He decided to come to court drunk.

Yes, what better way to show the judge that you're really sorry for what you did than by showing up in his courtroom drunk? Great move, Chris. Outstanding.

When Norton staggered in to court that day, a sheriff's deputy gave him a breath test, and he blew a 0.085. The legal blood-alcohol limit for driving is 0.08 percent.

The deputy then brought Norton into court and informed Judge Hatty that Mr. Big Brains was legally drunk. The judge was obviously not amused, because he revoked his bond and ordered Norton back to jail. Hatty delayed sentencing until Oct. 22, giving Norton a good week to sober up.

When Norton returned to court on Oct. 22, he was sober (it's pretty hard to get drunk when you're sitting in the pokey), and Hatty sentenced him to 60 days in jail and three years of probation.

And at this point, I only have one word of advice for Mr. Norton: If your friends come to visit you in the jail, and they need to kill some time before they can get in to see you, there's at least one thing they probably shouldn't do...

Buddy Moorehouse is the publisher of Livingstontalk.com. You can e-mail him at buddy@livingstontalk.com.

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Buddy Moorehouse's column is sponsored by: PJ's Hot Dogs LLC. Serving wienies since '01. Visit us Saturdays at the Howell Tractor Supply, at www.PJsHotDogs.com, or call 517-861-6628.

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